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A Relaxed Divorce: Part Three

A Relaxed Divorce: Part Three

Well, now it’s down to the wire. Crunch time, so to speak. Lawyer chasing is, perhaps, the most exhausting experience I’ve ever had to deal with. I’m beyond frustrated with this process. I expected to have paperwork to sign to get the ball rolling on Friday, instead he asked for information that he should have asked for two weeks ago. Because my ex picked this lawyer, he gets defensive when I criticize him. However, we talked about that and have reached an understanding.

In the news of progress, despite my mortgage company losing their minds and asking for what I felt was a ludicrous sum of money, we got an offer on the house. This was with ONE day of showing. I have no idea what this realtor does, but I’m almost convinced he is a wizard. The offer is exactly what the mortgage company asked for, so I’m going to go ahead and assume that they will now accept this offer. They turned around remarkably fast for a mortgage company last time to deny the past offer (within a week and a half) so instead of being crunched, I’m going to call my town house now and ask to move in on the 24th of next month.

Since I’m going out of town this weekend, the ex is calling up his out of state friends and starting to move things out of the garage. Ex is a large man, and he has a pickup truck, so hopefully we will be able to move me in a calm and relaxed fashion. We have a team of about five people willing to help, myself included.

Taxes are also done and on their way, so hopefully by the end of the week a sizable chunk of bills will be paid off and gone forever. We’re excited to shed this weight as we begin our new lives. We talked about decorating when we went out to brunch Sunday. I think that it’s been almost four years since I’ve enjoyed his company as much as I did that day. I wish he wasn’t moving so far away sometimes, because I will miss things like brunch at my favorite local bar. I’ll miss watching Beetlejuice and Office Space and just relaxing with him. But, then again, he’s straight, and straight women are less likely to understand the “my ex-wife is gay” issue.

The more I’m out of the closet in my public life (not professional, at least not for a while, for reasons I won’t get into) the more I realize how common my situation is. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who ran off to get married as soon as the law allowed. My age-range seems to have a high rate of gay people getting married to the first prospect that seems acceptable. Don’t get me wrong, ex is a wonderful husband, and he will be a wonderful father someday. Had I been straight, this would have been a fairytale.

Somewhere down the line, some gay folks stop believing in physical love. They don’t believe in that magic spark or connection anymore. They don’t believe that they’ll ever feel on fire when someone touches them. They don’t feel playful in the bedroom and they resign themselves to that because that is the price to pay to be “normal”. The older we get, the harder this mask is to keep up. Point blank, I care much less at 30 about what people think of me than I did at 20. I think this is true across the board. But this meant that I had two lives by the time I was 24.

The internet exasperated this, because I reached out and found friends who were understanding of my life. They knew me by a handle, when we started hanging out in real life, they even called me by that handle. It’s been a long time coming for me to put down the “mask” that was making me AND my ex miserable. He deserves a lover that wants him and I deserve to feel that fire as much as he does.

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Oh the House

Apparently the house has another offer on it from the showings that were set up yesterday. I’m floored about that. It means that I can’t stay in the house as long as I otherwise would have, but there’s nothing wrong with that reality. This whole short sale process has been strange, to say the least. I’ve come out of it much wiser and when I purchase my next home, I’m going to be much more careful than I was this time. I know what to look for, and I know what to ask for. Hindsight is 20/20, they say. 

Thing one I would advise on is make sure you know what you’re paying every month exactly. Don’t just take the ‘price’ given as what your total will be. Make sure to ask about property taxes, inclusion of fees, if there’s a home owner’s association, and most importantly, if there’s anything else that the company can throw in. I was naive and trusting of banks when I got this house. I don’t think anyone is like that anymore.

Still waiting on the final paperwork from the lawyer. This is going to end up with me getting some spousal support until the QDRO is taken care of. I really hate how long this takes. I felt ultra emotional today, oddly enough. I don’t know why I spent it in the state that I did. I’m doing such a good job at work, and this is just happening at it’s own pace. I’ve never been good at waiting, is the problem. Particularly waiting on things that I feel are urgent. I rarely feel like anything really is urgent.

My ex has moved most of his stuff about and out. I suppose I should do the same this weekend.

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