A Relaxed Divorce: Part Three
Well, now it’s down to the wire. Crunch time, so to speak. Lawyer chasing is, perhaps, the most exhausting experience I’ve ever had to deal with. I’m beyond frustrated with this process. I expected to have paperwork to sign to get the ball rolling on Friday, instead he asked for information that he should have asked for two weeks ago. Because my ex picked this lawyer, he gets defensive when I criticize him. However, we talked about that and have reached an understanding.
In the news of progress, despite my mortgage company losing their minds and asking for what I felt was a ludicrous sum of money, we got an offer on the house. This was with ONE day of showing. I have no idea what this realtor does, but I’m almost convinced he is a wizard. The offer is exactly what the mortgage company asked for, so I’m going to go ahead and assume that they will now accept this offer. They turned around remarkably fast for a mortgage company last time to deny the past offer (within a week and a half) so instead of being crunched, I’m going to call my town house now and ask to move in on the 24th of next month.
Since I’m going out of town this weekend, the ex is calling up his out of state friends and starting to move things out of the garage. Ex is a large man, and he has a pickup truck, so hopefully we will be able to move me in a calm and relaxed fashion. We have a team of about five people willing to help, myself included.
Taxes are also done and on their way, so hopefully by the end of the week a sizable chunk of bills will be paid off and gone forever. We’re excited to shed this weight as we begin our new lives. We talked about decorating when we went out to brunch Sunday. I think that it’s been almost four years since I’ve enjoyed his company as much as I did that day. I wish he wasn’t moving so far away sometimes, because I will miss things like brunch at my favorite local bar. I’ll miss watching Beetlejuice and Office Space and just relaxing with him. But, then again, he’s straight, and straight women are less likely to understand the “my ex-wife is gay” issue.
The more I’m out of the closet in my public life (not professional, at least not for a while, for reasons I won’t get into) the more I realize how common my situation is. It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who ran off to get married as soon as the law allowed. My age-range seems to have a high rate of gay people getting married to the first prospect that seems acceptable. Don’t get me wrong, ex is a wonderful husband, and he will be a wonderful father someday. Had I been straight, this would have been a fairytale.
Somewhere down the line, some gay folks stop believing in physical love. They don’t believe in that magic spark or connection anymore. They don’t believe that they’ll ever feel on fire when someone touches them. They don’t feel playful in the bedroom and they resign themselves to that because that is the price to pay to be “normal”. The older we get, the harder this mask is to keep up. Point blank, I care much less at 30 about what people think of me than I did at 20. I think this is true across the board. But this meant that I had two lives by the time I was 24.
The internet exasperated this, because I reached out and found friends who were understanding of my life. They knew me by a handle, when we started hanging out in real life, they even called me by that handle. It’s been a long time coming for me to put down the “mask” that was making me AND my ex miserable. He deserves a lover that wants him and I deserve to feel that fire as much as he does.